Breakthrough moment to share. Last week I freaked my whole self out. After one sleepless night (think October full moon), I woke up with some fairly surprising slash liberating clarity. I got out of bed and promptly quit school. Yep, just like that. After six years of relentlessly pursuing a degree in fine art through two pregnancies, childbirth , a separation, and three moves—I pulled the proverbial plug. The big reason? Wait for it… wait for it… Dragonfly Energy.
Clinically crazy? Yes. Certifiably FIERCE? Yes. I dabble in animal medicine (because I can) and without realizing it, I had been carrying around an illusion of myself that no longer served or even excited me. In a nutshell, dragonfly medicine teaches us that everything we believe about ourselves is in fact, an illusion. It is our job in this lifetime to sort through these many illusions of self in order to discover which ones remain effective and which ones are dragging us down in any given moment. Letting go of the dream I’ve carried in my back pocket since I was 15 wasn’t and isn’t easy, AND I’m so glad I did.
Processing the Shift—Recognizing Truth Change vs Quitting. The next day the inner war began. My inner downer voice screamed, “Quitter!” in the very same moment my inner JOY voice was whispering, “…way to go girl!”. Over the years I have learned that my truth is spoken in small, barely audible whispers while my inner critic shows up as a maniacal, depressing aggressor. Hence, this is why it is only in the quietest of moments that I can actually hear my truth—aka 3am-ish. In the aftermath of the war, I applied a Values-Based Experiment I use in coaching against this new truth, only to find consensus. What I felt instinctively and what ended up on the paper matched. Do a little dance, sing a little song…
In life, we can only connect the dots backwards. Time will tell why I needed to shift this energy into a different stream (Hitting the eject button on Need To Know Everything Now version of self). One thing for sure, I am slowly detaching myself from the idea that my creativity flows only in the realms of art. I am learning to love this new illusion that everything I do is creative, that in fact I AM the creative flow. This dragonfly welcomes her new colours.